i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize