dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
