Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
