the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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