3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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