M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize