yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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