jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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