i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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