he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize