dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
