Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
