google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
