..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
