my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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