i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
