I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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