I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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