I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
