my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
