Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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