Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize