First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
