I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize