Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
dude. I can hear the air.
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