Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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