I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
