mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
