your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Did I show you my penis last night?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
