At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize