Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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