u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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