WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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