So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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