Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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