i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
