how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
