It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Someone signed my nipple.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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