o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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