Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize