So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
