Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
