imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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