you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just forgot I was standing up.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
