She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
