i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
