The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
