this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Two words: blizzard sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
