you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
