I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
