Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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