i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
