Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
