i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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