So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
