Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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