My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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