Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
