I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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