she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
