I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
