What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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