Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
