wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
