Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
