I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
