im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
