so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
