I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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