yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
