did you get engaged???
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i used baking grease as lip gloss
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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