i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
