After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
