my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My penis needs a shock collar
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
