My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found puke in my bra..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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