four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
