Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
