so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
