FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
me + whiskey = a bad person
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
