a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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