Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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