I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize