it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
