We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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