Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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