now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
