im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
