capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
