What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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