not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
